Yesterday I turned 40. Let’s just say that although some really great things did happen in my life during my thirties, there were also a lot of hard circumstances. I always thought I would be depressed at the thought of turning 40, and definitely never thought I would be announcing it to the world online. Don’t get me wrong, it does feel a bit weird and I’m not exactly a fan of getting older, but I find myself looking forward to my forties with hope and expectation.
At the time of my last blog post in August of 2016, we were newly taking on the adoption process. There were so many unknowns. Lots of excitement accompanied by fear and at times discouragement. How will we ever raise the funds? What will the
process be like? How long will we have to wait? It was quite the emotional roller coaster, but over and over again God proved to us just how much He loves us and that He is on our side. The funds steadily came in from the most unlikely places. Most of our adoption cost was funded by the generosity of friends, family and acquaintances. We were blown away. All of these people waited alongside us for Baby G to come home.
I believe it was in March of 2018 that we were home study approved, allowed to submit our profile, and were officially a “waiting family.” During the whole process we were impatient to reach that moment when we could “go live” with our profile, so to speak. Now we found ourselves in the phase of “hurry up and wait.” By the end of May, secretly both my husband and me were feeling discouraged. Would it be years of waiting? Would it be a lifetime of waiting?
I was a few months away from my 39thbirthday. At that point approaching 40 seemed a bit grim. Would I be entering my forties, still with no child for us to share our love with? I started praying, really pleading for God to somehow make it happen before my 40thbirthday, while feeling petty for even making such a request. God had done so much already, was I really going to be this whiny?
Other things started to change as well. I had an unexplainable feeling that it was time to leave my job. I had planned to stay there one more year while I attempted to build a homebased business, but something told me that the time to go was now. I turned in my notice and finished the school year. It was pretty scary to leave that job with no guaranteed idea of how I was going to supplement our income, but it felt like the right thing. As we had done every Summer, after I finished the school year, we packed up and headed to camp with our youth group. The week started off good, as usual. Our cell phone reception was horrible, so I had to keep mine turned off most of the time. On the second evening of camp I turned on my phone to check for messages and I had a voicemail from our adoption specialist asking for me to call her so we could chat. I immediately thought it was odd and the wheels in my head started to turn. I found a wi-fi connection so I could check email. There was a mass email that had gone out to all of the waiting families with our agency, just letting everyone know that some profiles had been viewed by an expectant mother. She had chosen a family and we were instructed to contact the agency if we wanted to know if our profile had been shown to her. Well now the wheels were really turning! Could it be? No, surely not. Don’t let yourself get too excited. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. So many thoughts. Of course, I had to grab my husband to tell him. He was in shock too, and just like me afraid to fully let his mind go there.
The next morning we went to find a land line to call our adoption specialist. We heard the words that we never thought we would hear- “You’ve been chosen! This mom wants to meet you!” We were overwhelmed. Here we were in early June and this baby, a boy, was to be delivered by c-section on July 10. Just as a side note, the average time that a family waits for an adoption with our agency is 3 ½ years after submitting their profile. We were around the 3 month mark.
We scheduled a meeting for when we returned from camp. We were excited but still scared and guarded. This was just a meeting to see if mom really liked us enough to move forward. We were going “under the microscope.”
We got back into town and prepared for our meeting. Wow, some big decisions on both sides would be made at this meeting. We were discouraged when the meeting was canceled. Due to unforeseen circumstances, it would have to be rescheduled. So, we were given a second meeting date for one week later. Uh…… more time to think.
The day before the meeting, June 28th, I was at church in a rehearsal when I got a call from the agency. I assumed they were calling to confirm our meeting for the next day, I was praying that it wasn’t another cancellation. When I answered the phone, I was informed the baby had been born that morning! Wow! This changed everything. We had to go ahead and decide, without ever meeting mom, if we were going to bring this baby boy home. We had a matter of hours to make a decision to commit or not, and even if we commit mom can still change her mind. I ran home to talk to my husband so we could decide together. We cried, we prayed, we pondered. We decided that if mom still wanted us, this was our son.
The next day we drove 2 hours to meet mom and her family at the hospital. We all clicked instantly. We had heard horror stories of these hospital meetings not going well due to prejudices on the part of hospital staff or high emotions of the first family and their friends. We experienced none of this! This family welcomed us with open arms as one of their own and the hospital staff could not have been nicer. We visited with the first family all day long and then spent the night in the hospital with a little 5 lb 2 oz baby boy beside my bed.
Although we were feeling so much joy and our dream was coming true, we couldn’t help but feel a measure of sadness as well. While we were in our room rejoicing, a woman was down the hall in her room, pondering the hardest decision she would ever make. The following day, we spent more time with her and then in the evening we loaded up our car for the long drive home with our miracle baby, Landon.
Not only did I become a mom before my 40thbirthday, but God did me one better and made it happen even before my 39th! God is so good and cares even about things that we may think are silly. If it matters to us, it matters to Him.
So, to make a long story longer….. What have we been up to since August of 2016??????
We have been living our dream. Raising our son, maintaining a good relationship with his first family and now focusing on our health. We want to not just be there, but actively there for our son for the years ahead.
Since July 15 of this year, my husband and I have been on a journey of health and wellness. We have drastically changed our eating habits and have not only dropped weight, but have been feeling better and healthier. I am down a total of 26 lbs and 2 jean sizes!
We are continuing on this journey for the long haul, and I want to take you with us! This blog will now chronical my adventures in motherhood, our health journey, faith, fashion, DIY, recipes, product reviews- you name it, I will be sharing it.
So truly, welcome to my world…. Only this time it’s a whole new world! Here’s to my Fabulous Forties!