The Other Side of Heartbreak…

Yes, I am alive and cancer free. Praise God! I’ve talked about my heartbreak, my fears, my loss……. But now, on the other side of my heartbreak, God is working in my life. He is so good and now I know that He definitely sees around the corner.

Let’s back track to a moment in my story that I didn’t cover before.

I was in the shower one morning before I had met with the oncologist for the first time….. During quiet moments like these the head games were attacking relentlessly.

I remember just starting to cry. I started to pray. I told God that I did not understand what was happening or why. I told him I was scared. Then I said words that I never thought I would be able to say. “God, I trust you with my life, and I trust you to give us a family in the way that You see fit.” This control freak had finally learned to let go.

Everyone’s life is a story. Some stories are just beginning, some are halfway written, and others are nearing the conclusion…… And then there are those whose stories are kind of being re-written. A long time ago I had written a story for myself but God has shown me time and again that what I wrote may not always be so. Sometimes life just deals you an unfair hand. I had no motivation write anymore, but God picked up the pen and started re-writing those chapters that were now just fiction.

I look back and see that God has been preparing me for this moment for so long. Why have I always been so stubborn? Why did I have such a problem letting go and trusting God with my future? Well, I don’t really know why, but I do know I will never again question God’s faithfulness. Looking back, I see that God had been preparing my heart for years……..


Since I was a teenager I had always wanted to adopt as well as have my own children. My heart broke for children who had no one to love them and raise them in a stable home. I knew that if I ever had the opportunity, I wanted to adopt. I even think back to when I was first married and the major earthquake in Haiti had just happened, so many stories of the countless children who had been orphaned by this catastrophic event. I remember telling my husband that I so wanted to adopt a Haitian child. My heart would ache every time I saw a news story. Of course, at the time he thought I was a little crazy and we laughed about it, but that seed that had been planted when I was so young was growing.

About 2 years or so before my diagnosis and surgery, a representative from Convoy of Hope had come to our church to speak to us about how our giving to Convoy of Hope touched so many lives….. Then he started to talk about orphaned children. He told a story about a baby who had been abandoned in a public toilet, miraculously survived and had been adopted by a living family. He spoke about how God loves those children who cannot be raised by their birthparents and need Godly couples to step up and parent such children. I cried the whole time. I felt like God was speaking to me about adoption but I did not tell anyone. I second-guessed myself thinking it was just my desperation to have a child that was surfacing. Looking back I know that God was really whispering to me.

And now here we are. We have just begun our adoption journey and are so excited for this new chapter! We are grateful for your continued prayers and support.

We are praying for our future child and his or her birth mother and father. We have taken our first required classes and now we are moving into fundraising mode.

Adoption is expensive and not for the faint of heart. There’s LOTS of paperwork and phases that we will go through as well. I was a little worried when we first decided to start the process. I kept wondering when I was going to be disappointed, but at every step so far God has just confirmed that this is for us and I have become more and more encouraged instead of discouraged. We are trusting that God will provide and help bring our little one home. After all, He is faithful.

At this point my blogging will become more diverse in subject matter, but don’t worry…… I will continue to write about this journey to adoption as well. Again, I cannot thank you all enough for your support!

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